Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
