You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
