When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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