I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
