Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
