You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
