I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we made out on top of his cat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
