Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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