I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
