shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
