Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize