Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize