I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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