DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
