the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
