i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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