you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
