normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize