I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
