There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
