We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Boobs are out for the taking
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
