I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
