Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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