Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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