Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
