wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
