It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Screwed.edu
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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