i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
