he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
