Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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