kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
