Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
