like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
