My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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