Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
