just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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