Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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