I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
