Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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