We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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