Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
