im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize