East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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