hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
