She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
this hospital has no fireball
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
