Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
