i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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