Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
