i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
