i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
