Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
