I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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