The maid of honor just puked.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
