sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
