Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
