Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
