he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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