Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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