So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
