The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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