I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
