he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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