You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
