She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
