But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
