I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
