At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
