So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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