How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
bring money and cleavage
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
