I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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