Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
