I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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