So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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