I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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