i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
